The Story So Far....
Last time, Dan awoke from a night of drunken, apple martini-fueled toomfoolery to find out that he's had $200 lifted out of his wallet. OMG! What happens next? Read on....
So I wasn't exactly thrilled to find out that i'd been robbed -especially in light of what had been going on over the previous two days.1
In fact I was pretty mad.
I was already sure someone -someone being a member of staff; I was sleeping in the staff basement remember- had lifted the money as I slept.
But here are the alternatives:
1) I had my pocket picked at ding dongs
I definitely had the money when I went to ding dongs, because I bought jane and I some drinks. So someone could have taken the money then. In which case this was the most foolhardy/compassionate pickpocket of all time. The money was taken out of my wallet, and my wallet put back into my coat. Any pickpocket in the world would've just taken the wallet. Why double the chance of getting caught by putting the wallet back? Pretty unlikely (but not, I admit, totally impossible. Just very improbable).
2) I somehow lost the money because I was incredibly drunk
Now, I'm the first to admit I was reeeeeeeeeally drunk that night. But I think we all know our limits as to what we are capable of when we're drunk. Like I know, for example, that I don't get so drunk that I'll black out and come around with blood on my hands. Or i'll wake up the next day with a sore ass and some dude in bed beside me.2 And I definitely know that I don't get so drunk that I throw my money -$200, money i'd thought i'd lost once already that evening- away in some kind of drunken jamboree. No way jose.
3) Bobby took the money when he got my jacket
This was one of the first things that certain people thought when I told them what happened. Now I hadn't known bobby very long -as long as i'd known anyone at the hostel, which is basically a month or so- but we'd become good friends, hung out a lot, same sense of humor, he was a bit older than the others (like me). We had a connection. And I trusted3 him -i wouldn't have sent him to get my jacket if I didn't. So what I said to these people was this: if bobby DID take the money, then i've either befriended somebody who's a sociopath, or has a split personality. In which case, my problems are much, much bigger than $200 dollars getting stolen. I mean we're talking horror movie territory here, right?
So in the light of the above, I'm pretty sure that whoever took the money was someone else who lives in the basement.
I already had some suspicions.
But I talk to my manager, elsie, and I tell her: “Look, I know I was stupid to be carrying that amount of money on me. But that doesn't give me the right to be robbed. So if that money should 'mysteriously reappear' before tomorrow, like should it just show up in the basement, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, anywhere, i'll draw a line under all this. But if not, I'm going to the fucking cops and they can sort it out.”
And after that I was a lot more level headed.
One way or another, I thought, it'll get straightened out
So I went back to work pretty cheery
But something was nagging at my brain
And a hour or so later I realised what it was: “Where is your nintendo DS?”
If it's not in my room, it's in the cafe bar -i tend to be quite free and easy with it, anyone working in the bar can use it, plus guests who're solid.
yeah yeah yeah, I know: i'm asking for it, right?
The DS isn't in the cafe bar.
I check behind the front desk too, just in case: nada
I even go check my room, even though i'm 99% certain I didn't go up there the previous night
Not there.
OK. So now someone has stolen $200 dollars AND my DS???
FUCK. THIS. JOINT.
I go to the manager's office and quit with immediate effect, even though i'm in the middle of a shift
I go up to my room; coco comes after me, but I tell him I don't want to speak to him, to anyone right now.
OK
Let me back-track for a second
After I found out I got the $200 stolen, and perhaps because I was still a little drunk, I tried to call Kim.
Kim is the person i've known for longest in new york, and I felt like I was running thin on friends
but I'd just told her that I didn't want to be her friend no more
ah ha ha ha
so I left this very long and rambling message on her phone saying i'd made a mistake, having a friend I can trust more important to me than a relationship etc etc
I also backed it up with a text:
Maybe we should be friends after all (if you still want). I am running out of mates here. A member of staff has taken $200 out of my wallet. At least I know I can trust you Kim.
To which she replied:
Chin up! Don't panic! What u're going though is called the 'east coast' welcome. Happens 2 the best of us – call u 2nite.
All well and good, right? But after I go back to my room, feeling incredibly low and paranoid, I text her that I think my DS has been stolen too. This is what I get back:
Dan, I'm sorry but a friendship between us is a bad idea. I'm asking you 4 no more contact. Please respect that.
To which I replied:
You don't need this shit! When it's all sorted out and I have a new place with people I trust, then can I give you a call. I'm sorry I turned my back on you kim
This is what I get:
No more test messages, dan -please!!!!!!!4
But because I always need the last word, I send:
OK. This is the last one. I told you: this is my life -the highest highs and the lowest lows. You are best off out of it. Maybe you are right and I shouldn't trust people. Some world, huh? Have a good one kim, never forget you are an amazing person! I really enjoyed our brief time together, shame it had to end this way. Dan
After I send that message, I lie down on my bunk.
I lie there for what seems like a long time.
This is the lowest point i'd ever reached since coming to america.
I feel like i've been shot -the feeling is the same as what I had when I finally got phoebe to confess she'd been cheating on me.5
I feel like everywhere I turn i'm surrounded by liars, backstabbers, and thieves
I decide I should go back to england; even if I don't like the country, at least I know good people there, people whom I love and who love me back
But I decide to go for a walk, get out of the hostel
And I think best when I walk
So I get geared up and get out of there
Just start walking randomly around the upper west side, vaguely heading south, wandering down colombus, broadway, amsterdam
It's a beautiful day -cold but clear
And despite everything, my heart swells when I think about how much I love new york
I fucking love the shit out of this town
And shortly after, I have a “Fuck It!” moment
(A “Fuck It!” moment is when you give the mental finger to whatever's fucking you in the head at that particular time)
I had it with all that Phoebe shit -though that was a couple of months down the line6
This time it happened within hours; perhaps because the timescale was shorter, maybe because of the accelerated NY lifestyle, certainly because of my newly minted NY sass
So I thought:
“FUCK IT!”
Fuck the haters who are robbing from me and backstabbing me -they'll get theirs, by my hand or the divine
Fuck Kim -jesus christ, that was a lucky escape man! Fuck, all this shit started because of her and fucking precious, precious headphones7 And, man, it's not like I wasn't there for her when she was penniless and friendless in the city, but the moment I need something from her, a friendly pair of ears only, she burns me. Fuck her, man!
Fuck the hostel -I can read the signs: all this means I shouldn't be living there no more; I'll get an apartment -kathi was talking about getting a room somewhere we can use as a dog hotel, that could be my apartment!
Dogs I can live with -dogs aren't two faced like people!
And kathi I have faith in, kathi doesn't pay lip service to trust
And there are good people at the hostel, people like chris and coco
And steve and valentina, who saved my ass that morning
Sure, there are haters, at least one anyway
But it's time to separate the shit from the shinola
I know kathi will be out walking the dogs in riverside park, so I head over there to find her
All the time the cogs are turning, I'm scheming, scheming
I don't feel angry or hurt anymore
I feel euphoric
BRING IT ON, MOTHERFUCKERS!
(Find out how dan fights back against the haters next time)
TO BE CONTINUED....
1 Please see previous posts From Bad to Worse, The End of the Affair, and From Worse to, Um, Worser if you need a refresher. Chop chop!
2 Despite what some of you may think. ;-)
3 Trust, trust, trust again. The more I think about it, the more the world seems to turn on trust -or lack of it.
4 Seven exclamation marks. SEVEN! And with the added effort of putting exclamation marks into a text too. Someone (I think Terry Pratchett?) once wrote that any more than three exclamation marks is the sign of an unhinged mind....
5 Phoebe, for those who don't know, is a girl I went out with for nearly five years; for the last six months of which she was seeing another guy behind my back, despite swearing to my face she wasn't. And because I, ha ha, trusted her, I believed her. Warts and all people, warts and all....
6 Disclosure: My “Fuck It!” moment with the whole phoebe thing came after another night of insomnia and angst and general gnashing of teeth; I went to my local in Manchester, The Railway, and drank a guinness. I had my notebook with me and was writing some maudlin shit when this great wave came over me, a mix of apathy and anger -though those things sound mutually exclusive, that's what it felt like- and I just thought “FUCK IT!” And I scrawled that into my notebook, again and again, pressing so hard with the pen that the paper ripped. Then I finished my drink, went home and started sorting out my life.
7 Cause and effect, cause and effect: If jayson hadn't taken headphones that didn't belong to him (and if kim hadn't been so precious about them) I wouldn't have got wound up, wouldn't have fallen out with kim, wouldn't have got canned by her, wouldn't have gone out and got obliterated, wouldn't have ended up in staff basement with jane and shannon, wouldn't have got robbed. Phew!
Y'know what? I think it's about time we wrote kim out of this story -it's doing my head in! A couple of days later I sent this to her:
Hey I want my maus book back asap and the $50 you owe me
So she sent:
Gimme your address I will mail it and make that your last text. I mean it. I'm not fucking around anymore. This is the last time i'm going 2 tell u.
So I sent this [and bear in mind I was pretty mad -in fact i'm kind of ashamed of it now, but I got carried away, and the writer in me wanted to pen the ultimate bridge-burner text. And I wanted to be sure there could be no chance of a reconciliation of any kind: kim is a beguiling person; she's beautiful and talented.
But I should have been listening to my subconscious here, and it's not like it gave me a subtle hint; I once wrote it into a story: beauty and talent are cheap as spit.]
Here's the text:
Don't worry kim I showed your texts to my friends and they gave me a reality check: you are not an 'amazing person' you are fucked in the head. Go see a shrink if you are not already, or get a better one. [then I give the hostel address]. Have a nice life but I don't think you will: horrible people get the life they deserve. You had the chance for something good with me but you blew it big style. Think about that next time [NAME WITHHELD] offers to pay half your cab fare for his booty call, or you have to deal with the train wreck that is [NAME WITHHELD]'s life, or your fighting with the next guy who treats you like shit. But seriously -get help. You need someone to doctor your head or you'll end up lonely bitter twisted and filled with regret. Dan
That was a five page (five page!) text. Told you I got carried away. She probably didn't even read it either, but I think now it was more for my benefit than hers.
Still: Feel the flame!
(NB. At the time of writing she has still not returned my book or my money, and I ain't holding ma breath....)
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