Dogs Send You Daffy

The whole dog thing has been crazy the past two weeks
Crazy!
I've been leaving my apt in brooklyn at 6.30am, and not getting home till after 9 at night
I love it though
(although it can be trying at times -like when a great dane bites you/shits diarrhoea up your leg)¹

And after it snowed last week there was a flash thaw -central park was like a glacial melt, all the paths became ankle-deep streams of ice-cold water

But for every day like that, there are a dozen where both the weather and the dogs are perfect

It's keeping me fit too -all that walking; occasionally having to grapple with a great dane that weighs more than I do

I'm ripped, biatch!

But what is good for the body is not necessarily good for the mind

I realised the other day that I talk the most heinous gooey gobbledegook to my dogs as I walk them

it's absolutely mortifying

But seeing as how this blog is all about self-mortification, I thought i'd give you an insight by sharing the nicknames I give to some of my regulars

This is the gayest shit you ever heard

here we go:

Obi (Great Dane, Male)

Obes; Big Guy; Mr Man(?); Monsieur D'Obes;

Slobberchops; The Beast; The Monster;

Lucy (Irish Terrier, Female)

Luce; Lucy-Luce; Lu-Lu; Juicy Lucy; The Juice Loosener (© The Simpsons) ; My Little Love; My Lady Love; Lady Love, My Dove²;

Brody (Bernese Mountain Dog, Male)

Brodes; The Brodster; Brodski; The Brodisian; Teddy Bear³; Baby Bear; Big Bear

Charlie (Black Labrador, Female)

Charlie-girl; Charles; Sir Charles⁴; charlie-charlie sniff-sniff; Charlston

Savvy (Mutt, Female)

Savs; Swarvy; Savvy-wavvy-ding-dong-day

River (Long haired lab, female)

Riv; River-Divver; River-Divver-Liver-Quiver; Riiiiiiiiiiverrrrrrrrr

Coco (Shiat Tzu, Female)

With my best friend also being called Coco, you can bet this dog gets called bitch A LOT, as in “How you doin coco, my little bitch? You're my little bitch, coco, aren't you? Yes you are, and you're a good little bitch too.”

Will I ever fail to find that amusing? Probably not ;-)

1But obi is my best boy and I forgive him everything.

2I REALLY love this dog!

3If I ever own a dog, I think i'd get a Bernese; they really are like giant real-life teddy bears

4This dog already has gender issues: she cocks her leg to pee!