Finally, A Brush With Fame

OK, I was going to post the next part of my detective story (not that I know if anyone cares)

But the day before yesterday something mildly interesting happened to me-

Everyone tells me new york is teeming with celebrities

All the movie stars have apartments in manhattan¹

Loads (apparently) on the Upper West Side, where all mine and kathi's dogwalking clients are.

She is always like “dustin hoffman has an apartment in this building; harrison ford has an apartment in that building”

I have never seen any of these people²

In fact my brushes with celebrity have so far been pretty piss poor:

I stood next to Erykah Badu in a bar -without realizing it was her³

I've seen Ally Sheedy⁴ walking her dog -a greyhound- in central park

I've had a conversation with Ingrid Rossalini (sister of Isabella), also dogwalking

One of our clients used to know, and was the mentee of, the Bronx judge Tom Wolfe based the Judge Kovistzky character on in The Bonfire of the Vanities.⁵

However, yesterday that changed

One of the dogs I walk lives at The Majestic, on 72nd and Central Park West

It's opposite the Dakota building⁵

The people who live there are riiiiiiiich, bitches!⁶

Man, some of those apartments! With south east facing views of central park, huge windows filling huge spaces with sunlight....

The views!

Wish I could take pictures

Anyway, I'd just finished giving charlie (that's the dog) her -it's a she- evening walk

As I walk back into the building, I pass Conan O' Brien talking to one of the doormen

Now, none-American readers might not know who Conan O'Brien is

I was tempted -for the benefit of British readers- to liken him to an American Jonathan Ross

But this would be denigrating to Conan

He does host a chatshow similar in format to Friday Night with Jonathan Ross -Late Night with Conan O'Brien

I knew of the show before I came to the US because I love one of the regular skits on the show: Triumph The Insult Comic Dog⁷

But Conan is a hero to me because he used to be a writer on The Simpsons during its “Golden Age” (circa season 3 to season 9)

And he wrote (or was the principal writer of, no Simpsons episode is ever written by one person alone) one of my favorite episodes -the monorail one (Marge Vs The Monorail)

And he's IN a episode of the Simpsons too -the one where Bart becomes (briefly) famous for a spurious catchphrase (“I didn't do it”)

Anyway, he's pretty famous in america -not 'A' list, but certainly B+

Here's a picture of him at work, interviewing Jessica Alba:⁸

So I pass him, and I think: “Wow, that's Conan O'Brien”

I was also disappointed that he'd shaved off his beard -i like a nice beard!

So I take charlie to the elevator -she lives on the 29^th floor- and just as the elevator doors are about to close, Conan hops in

These elevators at the majestic are not big

There is just about enough room for the elevator man⁹ and three others

So there is the elevator man, conan, charlie and me

You're so close together, it's almost rude NOT to talk

Now I could either do the whole “wow, you're so great, I love your show blah blah”

Or I could keep my head and play it cool

(This is where having a dog by your side -especially a charming, well behaved dog like charlie- is handy as an ice breaker)

Here's how the conversation goes:¹⁰

CONAN (petting charlie): This one's a cutie.

ME: Her name's Charlie

CONAN: Oh, it's a she?

ME: Just to confuse people.

[pause]

Y'know, I think you and I have a mutual acquaintance.

CONAN (looking at me like there is no way on earth we could have a shared acquaintance):

Really?

ME: Yeah, Kathi? She used to do some walking for you I believe.¹¹

CONAN: Oh, you know Kathi? She used to walk our dog, Hudson.

ME: Yeah, she told me.

CONAN: He died.

[pause]

That was really rough.

ME (stumbling because I realise i've just inadvertently reminded him of the death of a much loved pet)

Oh, yeah, I know... that's the hardest, losing a pet... when your dog dies. Harsh.

We get to his floor.

CONAN: Good night. Have a nice evening

ME: You too, man.

And he leaves.

(Actually I'm not totally mortified by my faux pas -after all, just the fact of charlie being there would have reminded him of Hudson)

So that was my brush with celebrity

I walk charlie twice a day, so I may bump into him again

Who knows? Maybe we'll strike up a friendship and he'll relocate me to LA to be dogwalker to his new dog, and through that i'll network with hollywood types who'll fix me up with some incredibly well paid writing job in the movies

I'm kidding, of course

But in this country, you never know ;-)

(I'll continue the story of skulduggery at the hostel next time, i promise)

1Including, of course, the late heath ledger. I only mention him because I happened to be watching CNN as the news was breaking that his body had been found -it was a strange feeling that something you knew was going to be plastered over every news channel and newspaper in the western world was happening RIGHT NOW just mile or two down the road. I also mention it because it gave me a (fresh) insight into how the press just make shit up: I was talking to a friend in the UK a couple of days after ledger died, and she said that in the UK it was being reported that Manhattan was “united in grief.” Well, I live in Manhattan and let me tell you, there was no “unity of grief”. 28 year old movie star ODs? Hmm, well, there you go, the price of fame. United in “mild shock, disappointment and curiosity” would be nearer the mark. I'm sympathetic, of course -unless they prove it was suicide. Then my sympathy flies out the window. The dude had a 2-year old daughter. You don't kill yourself and leave behind a 2 year old child fatherless. No way. Once you got kids, suicide as a solution to your problems is off the menu.

2Not that I am a celebrity-whore. But these people are MOVIE STARS. Not like the ne'er do wells from Corrie and Hollyoaks you see skulking round Manchester.

3Despite lots of people taking pictures of her. I just thought it was because she was cool looking. Which she is. And sexy, mesmeric, stunning, gorgeous, beguiling, beautiful -Oh Erykah!

4Principally famous for playing the “kooky” girl in The Breakfast Club (and who, it is generally agreed, was much more interesting and sexy before the “princess” makeover at the end of the movie).

5Although this is the encounter that is furthest distance from fame, it's also the one that gave me the biggest thrill. The Judge is the best character in that book! The client in question works for the DA's office in the Bronx (aka “Gibraltar”). She says she will take me on a tour. Can't wait!

5Consequently, I walk past the spot where john lennon was shot about 4 times a day. It makes me feel a bit funny inside.

6But not as rich as the people who live on the Upper EAST Side. That is where the super-duper wealthy park avenue millionaires and billionaires keep their cribs. To give a street-level example: if your dog shits in that neighborhood, and you don't clean it up, you get fined $25,000. Yes, 25 grand for not picking up dogshit. I kid you not.

7A dog puppet that goes out and blazes -really BLAZES- those who deserve to be blazed (michael jackson fans; pop idol contestants; bon jovi). The funniest is when he takes down star wars geeks queuing to see Attack Of The Clones. There's a link to it in the Other Stuff section of the blog.

8This picture does partial justice to how tall he is. He's a giant!

9I told you these people were rich!

10 Again this is from memory, and mine sucks.

11 This was the other handy piece of info to know -Kathi used to walk Conan's dog, Hudson, before he (Hudson) died of cancer.